Each and every one of us has a core being or Self. It is basically everything that represents us, our characteristics, our features, our likes and dislikes, our fears, our triggers, our qualities and everything else… A point which is everything we actually are!
Then we have an image of our Self, which is how we perceive our Self to be. It is not an actual or true version of the real Self but our model of who we think we are!
And then there are models of our Self made by people who interact with us. From our friends, family and acquaintances, everyone who knows us creates a representation of our Self (and we in turn create models of their Self). People with whom we interact frequently, save a model of our Self for future use. On the other hand, even strangers whom we meet momentarily, create a model of our Self, however it is mostly temporary and is soon lost.
Thus let’s say a person A who is in a 50 seater bus has 10 family and friends. He will have approx 1 + 10 + 50 models of his Self in the universe! 11 (1 + 10, his own and his family and friends) are permanent, whereas rest 50 are temporary and will be deleted probably when he gets down the bus. I like the example of a similar concept from the movie Coco, where a person actually dies when nobody has his memory (model of Self) any more.
Our model of our own Self is the most important thing for us. There are some characteristics of ours which we like and thus project in our model of Self. On the other hand, there are some characteristics, which we don’t like and we try to project its opposite in our model of Self. However hard we try, we always know when we are not being true to our Self. It’s one thing to not know some of the qualities of our Self and it’s another to project the negation of the qualities of our Self. In the long term, such inverse projections might be very detrimental. There are also some features of our Self which we ourself might not know due to a variety of reasons! And discovering these characteristics can lead to a much more complete representation of our Self.
Most people form a model of our Self, based on the model which we project. So let’s say if I project that I’m kind and repeatedly show this quality in my behaviour then people believe that I’m kind and create a model of me which is also kind. Also, if we project a lot of things which we are not, then the peoples’ model of our self, our own model of our self and our true Self are very different! And it is difficult to navigate in life with drastically different models of our Self.
Apart from creating a model of our Self, we also care how others create a model of our Self. We have high expectations of how others should perceive us and think about us and we act accordingly, sometimes even with it’s not true. The more people we interact with the more models of our Self we care about. Ideally it is great if we don’t think or care about what others think about us and just be the way we are! However that’s hard to do. In that case, another option is to have fewer relations which in turn leads to opinion of fewer people we care about how they model our Self.
If one is really lucky, then one might find a mentor who can see some part of the true Self and not just the version which we are projecting to the world. These mentors can be crucial on the road to self discovery as they can point us towards something which we ourself do not know about our Self.
It is of utmost importance to discover our true Self. Because that’s the only thing which is permanent and real for us. Rest everything in the world are other people just like us and the environment in which we exist. Our Self is the only thing which exists with us all the time! It is there with us since our lifetime, from our birth to death. We may have a lot of family and friends, but each one of them is busy maintaining and projecting their model of Self. No one is truly there with us in this world. We come alone and we go alone. And we only see the models of other people and never their actual Self. We get to interact our model of Self with others’ model of their Self while we are alive. That’s why our own actual Self is the ONLY truth that we know of, for sure.
Probably that’s why it is such a big deal to discover our Self. And our Self is always with us. We need not necessarily go on retreats and trips in order to discover our Self. We can find our Self wherever we are! Whether it’s while sitting in an office chair or relaxing in the bed. However, some places might be more conducive to discover our Self that others and one can always go there if it helps, for example a mountain or a beach!
Discovering our Self is not an easy task! I’m not even sure if it is possible to do it in a lifetime! One of the ways of discovering our Self is by learning to focus our mind to look within. And inside, it’s like an ocean! It contains everything, the good, bad and ugly. The good part is fine but it’s really hard to accept the bad and the ugly aspects. However, each of us has all three aspects and the sooner we accept it the more true we can be to our Self! Self discovery is a three step process: Discover, Accept and Project. Discover the characteristics of the the true Self. Accept your Self and its characteristics as it is. Project these characteristics in the model of your Self.
Our goal should be to project the model of our Self and behave in ways which match the characteristics of our true Self. In this way, other people will also build models of our Self which are similar to our model and our true Self. And thus all the models of our Self will have a lot of things in common, and the similarity among the models will be high.
Let’s move on the road of Self discovery!