Our connections with people teach us a lot about life and relationships. However each of these connections are unique. So I was thinking of a scale or spectrum on which everyone we know can lie. And one way that I could think of is the “Love-Indifference-Hate spectrum” on which all the people we know from family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances to everyone else we know lies. The spectrum can be visualized as follows:
The position of a person on this spectrum is based on all their interactions over a period of time. A single event mostly does not have a significant impact on their position. It is a cumulative metric.
This spectrum is unidirectional and asymmetric i.e. for each person, it only shows how others value or perceive the person. Everyone we know lies somewhere on the spectrum and we lie on the spectrum of people who know us. These two are independent and thus the regions where we and other person may lie on each other’s spectrum might be very different. For example, person A may be in the love region of person B whereas person B might be around indifference region of person A!
At the love extreme lie people who deeply care about us and are concerned about us. They are genuinely interested in our well being and will support us in every possible way. They will give real feedback even if it is negative sometimes. For these people, our existence matters…
In the indifference region lie people who interact with us as and when required, in a mechanical way. They do not have any specific bonding or concern towards us. They have a “whatever” or “I don’t care!” kind of attitude with respect to us..
The other extreme is hate. These people might be envious of us and may not always wish well..
Not everyone lies at the extremes of the spectrum. Some people are even placed somewhere in the intermediate regions. For example, between love and indifference lie well-wishers who will support or help if we reach out to them. Similarly in the region between indifference and hate lie people who may just not like us for whatever reasons..
My guess is that most likely, LIH spectrum has a normal distribution. Although it might not necessarily be balanced. Most people lie in the indifference region, very rare are at the two extremes i.e. love and hate and then some are in between.
It is useful to know who lies where on our LIH spectrum. Once we identify who lies in which region, we can intentionally decide how we should interact with them, and where we should position ourselves on their spectrum. Specifically, people in the love extreme are precious! Mostly, if we think of it, there are only a few countable people who lie there. Their presence is invaluable and we must take care of these people. They are like our lighthouse! Sometimes when they don’t act as we wish, it’s okay to let go instead of reacting.. Similarly it is also good to identify people in the hate extreme although it might be harder! It’s okay to consider what they say but not necessarily take it to heart. Also it’s better to show indifference to these people instead of reciprocating with hate.
An interesting point is that we ourself lie on our own LIH spectrum. The most we talk to is ourself! Based on the kind of dialogs we have with ourself and the self affirmations we give, we can ourself be in either of these three regions. Ideally, it is best to be in the love extreme, and to drift slightly depending of different situations. Also i think it might be dangerous if ourself lies in the indifference or hate region of the spectrum for too long. And if one identifies that that’s the case, it’s best to reach out to someone and seek help…
I think LIH spectrum is an scale on which everyone we have ever know lies in a standardized way. It is like a common ground for all our connections. It gives us an idea to perceive who lies where on our spectrum and where we lie on others’ spectrum based on how we choose to interact with each other. It’s like synthesizing all the actions and feeling with respect to a person to a single point!
P.S. – Let me know if someone is interested in designing some experiments and doing simulations based on this idea..